Yesterday began my third week here in Santa Fe and my third week as a part of the BUST circus intensive. What better way to kick off the third week than a little hula hooping and clowning!? So, we divided out into two groups. Half went to clowning class and the other to hooping. I did hooping.
Oh, fabulous and wonderful hooping. I love hooping, it really makes me feel alive. We learned several tricks. Tricks that I’d tried attempting in my residence hall earlier this year to Beyonce songs with little success and bruises. There was something about doing it then though was really releasing and care free. Tricks I found difficult before seemed to roll off my body, and when they didn’t I kept trying with little frustration with myself because that is the kind of safe supportive environment that most of our classes are. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of self-judgement since I’ve been here. It’s hard. You want to compare yourself to the awesome women around you, wonder why you’re not able to do something after two weeks but you can’t- you have to be present and in the moment and that takes courage, self-awareness, and a supportive community.
Things to remember:
- engage with my core.
- one foot in front of the other
- if you drop the hoop continue on like you did it on purpose.
Clowning was awesome! I was nervous for it, because I didn’t know what to expect. The instructor described finding out who your clown is as a process of finding out who your authentic self is. Well, snap. That peaked my curiousty. Although, I try to be authentic all of the time there are many many many times where I hold myself back or censure myself because I’m afraid of what people will think or because that enables me to be vulnerable. And that’s exactly what happened in class. I was vulnerable but I found very few times that I censured myself. I thought I would be but surprisingly my authentic self/clown was just waiting for the opportunity to express herself and I was surprised every time she did. I almost didn’t recognize her at all. And yet, she reminded me of a childhood Tanaya who was just living life boldly and seeking new adventures. I enjoyed the experience and didn’t want it to end.
Things to remember:
- There’s power in your inhale and exhale.
- just say “YES!”
- remember status and relationship when interacting with an object or another person.
*That’s all folks. Although I haven’t posted a lot I can truly say I’m being changed by this experience. I’m learning so much about myself. It’s a lot to process and put into words here, but when I can I will. Tonight I have trapeze and stilts.(I have some footage of me in trapeze class last week that I will upload as soon as I have the chance.) Also, I’ve been thinking about transferring over to vlogging (video blogging) instead. What do you think?